Title: Cup of Coffee
Disclaimer: Song is Cup Of Coffee by Garbage, No I don't own it. I don't own the characters either those belong to Dick Wolf and them.
***Olivia sat cradling a hot cup of coffee in some cafe in Manhattan waiting for Alex. She gazed out the coffee shop window sadly. Alex had called her earlier that day saying that they need to talk and she had a feeling she knew exactly what the blonde needed to tell her. Alex told her to meet her at the small coffee shop near the precinct after her shift. She moved her gaze from the outside world to the interior of the empty coffee shop. She looked down to the brown steaming liquid in her cup and allowed the depression to take her over.
The old door to quiet coffee shop and in walked Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot in all her beautiful glory. Gracefully she walked slowly towards the table where Olivia sat and took a seat across from the shorthaired woman. Olivia looked up at the woman in front of her, the woman she was madly in love with. Their eyes locked, sadness and pain evident in Alex's crystal blue eyes as well as Olivia's brown one. And with a deep breath Alex told Olivia how she felt, spoke the words Olivia wished were nothing but lies.
You told me you don't love me
Over a cup of coffee
And I just have to look away
A million miles between us
Planets crash into dust
I just let it fade away
"I'm sorry, Olivia. I-" Alex stopped mid sentence at the pained look on Olivia's face. She felt extremely sorry and pained for the detective. But she couldn't go on lying to herself. Saying those three words that were untrue to a woman that loved her so much.
Olivia's eyes closed in pain at Alex's words. She knew this would happen, she knew the blonde would never return her feelings but deep down she had hoped Alex would love her the same way she loved the blonde. The times they spent together were meaningless and now gone. Their first kiss-a quick nothing, completely meaningless to the blonde. The first time they made love- meaningless again, a one nightstand just sex nothing more. The times after that- just meaninglessly scratching that itch. It was nothing for Alex but for Olivia it was everything. It was love, happiness, contentment, and her dream come true for the detective but for the blonde it was something not worth remembering or feeling. Now it was gone and Olivia was left a fragment of what and who she was.
Alex never loved her. Her world fell apart.
Olivia pushed her coffee away and stood, she threw a few bills down and began to leave. Alex's hand shot out from the booth and grabbed her arm stopping her exit. "I'm so sorry, Olivia. I never wanted to do this to you. I never intended for it to go this far, I never wanted to hurt you." Ã‚ Olivia looked numbly down at Alex's hand on her arm; she glared at the blonde and pulled her arm out of the grasp. Slowly and with her head down she walked out of the coffee shop. She had no idea where she was walking she just let her feet carry the way. Alex left right after and took a cab home, the thought of Olivia was in the back of her mind.
I'm walking empty streets
Hoping we might meet
I see your car parked on the road
The light on at your window
I know for sure that you're home
But I just have to pass on by
Without knowing, Olivia had walked the six blocks to Alex's Manhattan penthouse. She stopped on the sidewalk across the street from the blonde's building and looked up to Alex's window. The blinds were open in and the lights were on in the living room. The very living room where she and Alex had shared their first kiss, where they'd expressed the feelings they had for each other. The very kiss that brought the night they first made love in Alex's silk covered bed. Olivia heavily sat down on the curb and stared up at the blond ADA's window hoping for a chance to see the blonde. Silent tears trailed down her cheeks and she tightened her coat around her to fight back the cold November wind.
So no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I'm still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends
"I still want to be friends, Liv. I really didn't want to do this, I'm so sorry." Alex's words echoed through her head. Closing her eyes Olivia allowed her thoughts to bring her back to the night she first spent with Alex in her arms. "I loved you," she'd whispered softly to the blonde after their lovemaking and when they'd laid in each other's arms. Alex had just sighed and curled deeper into Olivia's arms. She never said those three words, not after the second night, or the third, or the fourth" . She'd never said them. But Olivia was so sure the blonde felt those words, felt the same way Olivia did, just wasn't ready to say them yet. In the end Olivia was wrong. All she ever was for Alex was a release.
I smoke your brand of cigarettes
And pray that you might give me a call
I lie around on bed all day just staring at the walls
Hanging round bars at night
Wishing I had never been born
And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home
Heavily sighing Olivia reached into the coat of her leather jacket and drew out a pack of cigarettes. As she pulled the pack out something fell out and to the wet pavement. Olivia stared down at the photo strip of her and Alex. They'd taken the pictures on one of the two's very rare days off together when they'd gone to the movies together. Numbly she reached out and picked up the strip and ran her fingers lightly over Alex's face. She remembered Alex pulling her to the picture booth like an excited five year old while she complained about how they wouldn't fit. The two had squeezed together in the small booth, Alex in Olivia's lap with the brunette's arms securely around her as they took the pictures. It was hard to believe when looking at the pictures that Alex didn't love her, she looked too happy not to be. It was hard to believe that it was all just a lie when you look at the pictures.
Dropping the photos to the wet ground Olivia took the pack of cigarettes; she pulled one and brought it to her lips then light it. She took a long drag from the disgusting cancer stick and almost gagged. It'd been years since Olivia had a cigarette and at this point was happy she'd quit. Really she had no idea why she was smoking; she just needed something that wasn't a bottle of alcohol. Taking another long drag of the cigarette and looked up to Alex's apartment. She watched the apartment closely as she puffed away minutes of her life on the sidewalk below. She gazed at the apartment in hopes of seeing her ex-lover.
Alex walked to the window and looked out, her eyes immediately fell on Olivia's dark form on the cold sidewalk. Their eye's locked momentarily before Alex looked away and closed her blinds. The lights in the apartment went off seconds later as did any hope felt in Olivia. The dark haired detective angrily stubbed out her cigarette, grabbed the photo strip and stood. She walked towards the main doors of Alex's building, she dropped the strip in the blonde's mailbox and angrily but sadly stalked away to her apartment.
So no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I still feel like this
I guess I always knew the score
This is where our story ends
The door slammed open and Olivia angrily entered her apartment slamming the door closed behind her. Shredding her coat she walked towards her bedroom, grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the kitchen counter on the way through. She stopped in the doorway to her bedroom and stared at the chaos that was her room. Her bed was unmade, a mess of sheets and blankets half on the bed and half on the floor. A mess left by their last lovemaking that morning. Tears once again formed in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.
You left behind some clothes
My belly summersaults when I pick them off the floor
My friends all say they're worried
I'm looking far too skinny
I've stopped returning all their calls
Something under the bed caught Olivia's eye, slowly she reached down and pulled out Alex's soft lavender colored blouse. She ran her fingers over the material, remembering what it felt like on Alex's body. She remembered what it was like unbuttoning and removing it from the gorgeous body of the woman she was madly in love with. She buried her face in the blouse, loosing her self in the lingering sent, the sent of Alex Cabot. She curled up on the bed and wept into Alex's blouse and pillow. She breathed deeply the sent of her ex-lover, Alexandra Cabot.
And no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I'm still so obsessed
I want to ask where I went wrong
But don't say anything at all
"I just want to be your friend, Olivia, I can't have any more then that. I'm so sorry, Liv." Where the hell did I go wrong? I was so God damn sure she felt the same. Why God, why? The only sounds heard through the empty apartment were Olivia's sobs for Alex.
"I never loved you, Olivia." Â
It took a cup of coffee
To prove that you don't love me