Title: Gone
By: nancy
Fandom: Law and Order: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: for Ghost
Summary: What happened the night Alex was back in The Big Apple?


Are you happy with him?"

Alex had been dreading the question, even as she'd anticipated it all night. It wasn't quite the same as the initial Q&A following Elliot's departure, where Olivia had asked if she'd made any friends and they'd both known what she was really asking. They'd moved to the sofa by then and a bottle of wine, which was probably not a wise idea, since Alex hadn't been able to force anything down for supper. But she was been past the point of caring. Sighing, she had to answer, Not really. He's a good man, but..."


He isn't you."

And there it was, out in the open at last. Dark eyes looked back at her without even a hint of surprise at the response. They'd played the game far too long for it to be a surprise to either of them, and yet, where was there left to go? Alex would give her testimony in the morning and probably be gone directly after that. A new name, a new identity, then gone into the wind like she'd never returned to New York. It wasn't like Olivia was going to give up her work to be with Alex, and that was something Alex would never ask of her. One of them should be on the front lines.

I spent most of my life not knowing what I wanted in a lover," Olivia said slowly. Man or woman, on the job or not. And when I finally figured out that it was you I wanted, it was too late. You were gone."

I'm still going to be gone, after tomorrow," Alex whispered.

Closing the distance between them on the sofa, Olivia took her hand and whispered back, But you're here now."

Alex stared into Olivia's eyes for a long moment, wondering if she could survive this kind of pain again. When she'd disappeared before, it had been without a taste of what could be. Now, if she did this, it would be ten times as hard, she knew that without even thinking about it. Closing her eyes, feeling a hint of terror lace the anticipation in her stomach, Alex leaned in to kiss Olivia.

It was slow and perfect, and Alex found herself pressed quickly back on the sofa, Olivia's weight pressing her down as she fed on Alex's mouth. Moaning softly, Alex opened herself to whatever Olivia wanted to do to her. Strong hands cupped her breast through her shirt, thumbs tweaking her nipples into hard pebbles. She shuddered with sensation as one of Olivia's legs pressed into her mound and threaded her hands through the hair that wasn't as dark or short as before, pulling her even closer.

It seemed an eternity that they made out on the sofa like teenagers, an eternity of bliss, of deep, wet kisses. Something changed, the mood shifted, a finger squeezed a shade too tight on a nipple, or a mouth bit instead of kissed, and the fire that had always hovered between them, exploded out of control.

They rolled onto the floor, hands and mouths everywhere, pulling off clothes and caressing bare skin. Finally, Olivia's mouth was on Alex's clit and she had to stuff her palm into her mouth to keep from howling her pleasure to the neighbors in the rented apartment building. She'd never felt so hot, so alive, and her legs spread as far as they could go as she moaned with need.

Olivia didn't fail her, redoubling her efforts with a nimble tongue and strong fingers that arched inside Alex's body. The liquid sounds filled the air, along with their grunts and gasps, orgasm and desperation tightening her body in equal parts. It crashed into her and Alex's whole body jerked, coming harder than she could ever remember coming before, stopping her heart and leaving her breathless.

When Olivia crawled up her body, sucking and licking at bare spots along the way, Alex shuddered, over-sensitized. Wrapping her arms around the slender waist, Alex lifted her thigh, letting Olivia fuck herself on it as they kissed again. Alex regained her breath finally and rolled them over, pulling Olivia's legs up and grinding their cunts together. Olivia's eyes rolled back at that and her breath caught, prompting Alex to fuck her like that over and over until she cried out, arching against Alex as she came, panting.

The sight of Olivia lost in so much pleasure tipped Alex over the edge again and she shuddered, jerking against her new lover in her own orgasmic throes. Dropping onto Olivia, Alex groaned as she once more tried to catch her breath.

Olivia chuckled weakly and gasped, Took us long enough."

Grinning faintly, Alex kissed the damp breast closest to her mouth and sighed in deep contentment, closing her eyes. The feel of a tender hand combing through her hair soothed her into sleep, even on the floor as they were.

*  *  *  *

Waking with a sigh, but not one of contentment, Alex stared at the ceiling. The bed was as empty as it ever was, and yet over-crowded with the memories of what might have been. Filled with the imaginings of a time spent together, before leaving New York, this last time. Blinking away tears, she wondered if Olivia ever wished that they'd taken a chance to be together for at least that one night. She wondered if Olivia dreamed so vividly of what had never been realized between them.

Alex hoped not.