Title: You're Not Really OK
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Series: 1) Bewilderment, 2) Take Me Home, 3) Cynics, 4) Blood Spatters, 5) Hello Mr. Sanders, 6) Hitting The Wall, 7) Capable Of Murder, 8) The Good Boy, 9) Crying Shame, 10) As I Lay Me Down, 11) Stoic, 12) You Tell Me, 13) Mother, Mother, 14) A Simple Smile, 15) Good Enough, 16) Smack, 17) Let Me Be The One, 18) There Isn't A Manual, 19) Call Me Magic Mama, 20) The Bus Stops in Suburbia, 21) He Needs You
Summary: Greg tries to convince Nick he's ok. Jillian plans a surprise. Warrick's slipping.
***Nick had just finished writing in his journal when he heard the toilet flush; alerting him that Greg was awake. He waited nervously on the couch – he had already told his mother to go back to his house. She had sounded strange, but Nick was too anxious about Greg to really delve into the situation.
Greg wandered out into the living and looked at Nick. "You must be exhausted. Why didn't you just come to bed? I really would have preferred you to your pillow." Greg grinned sheepishly, trying to play at coy – he had slept amazingly well for the first time since the attack.
"Come here," Nick said as he patted the seat next to him on the couch. He couldn't help it, he wanted to - he just had to kiss Greg. Greg didn't seem to mind at the moment – he was actually taking it a step further by crawling on top of Nick and demanding more kisses. Nick knew he had to stop – more of this would simply lead him down a road that he knew Greg just wasn't ready to take. "Greg, you have to stop."
"No, I'm fine."
Nick pushed him back a little more firmly, he wished Greg wouldn't tempt him like that. "Are you fine because you want this? Or are you fine because you think I won't stay unless you do this?"
Greg looked down sullenly. "I don't know."
"Then you need to stop until you do know, ok." He lifted Greg's chin. "Because I will be waiting here for you when you are ready. And if you need me to tell you that everyday, I will."
Greg rested his body against Nick's and laid his head on Nick's chest, content to listen to the rise and fall caused by breathing and the steady heartbeat.
"I do need to tell you something G."
"I read your journal."
"Oh." The hands that were pressed against Nick's sides gripped a little tighter.
"I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have. I should have waited for you to tell me."
"It's okay. I don't mind."
"No, they're your private thoughts and I had no right."
"I would have told you eventually."
"I know you would have, but I should have waited. But I wrote something that I want you to read about me. Something that I've never really told anyone about – I mean I mentioned it to Cath, but I've never really told anyone. I wanted you to be the first. I want you to understand," he said as he handed Greg his journal.
Greg took the journal and crawled off of Nick. Nick just watched as Greg opened the cover and stared wide eyed into the book – Nick swore he didn't see Greg breathe once until he was finished. Greg put down the book and grabbed Nick into the tightest hug he could muster. There were no words, just shared pain and love.
Jillian wandered aimlessly around her son's home – she tried to clean, tried to be productive – she just couldn't. Even though he had tried, Bill hadn't even been able to calm her down. If she hadn't thought that Greg needed her, she would be driving out to California to put a serious hurting down on Ana Sanders.
No matter how hard Warrick tried, he couldn't sleep properly without thinking about how horribly his life had turned out. Everyone at work knew about the failure of his marriage and now he was nervous around Catherine – her fantasy was back to being a possibility. He didn't even know if that was a problem. His problem was just the same as everyone's at the lab. One of their own had been taken and violated – and it could happen to them. Greg wasn't exactly a push over – it was just that the bastards who had taken him had just been too smart.
It was like when Walter Gordon took Nick – how easily it could have been him, if not for a simple coin toss. It could have been him in that damn box underground. He tried not to feel it, but he wanted to talk to Nick and he almost resented Greg for taking up all the attention.
Catherine fiddled around in her daughter's room, unable to leave, unable to rip her mind from Nick and Greg. Nick had mentioned that his mother was there now, and Catherine couldn't help but feel just a little unwanted in the picture.
She was staring at an old picture of her and Lindsey when she heard her cell phone ringing from her purse. She didn't recognize the number but she picked up anyway. She was surprised to hear that Jillian Stokes wanted to talk to her.
"Miss Willows? This is Jillian Stokes."
"Please, call me Catherine."
"Fantastic. I was hoping that you could help me with something."
"I was just thinking it might be nice for Greg to have all of his friends and coworkers come out for breakfast. I mean no one's really been able to see him properly since he's come home from the hospital. He's been doing really well, too – I think it would be a good time. And of course, it's slightly selfish on my part because my vacation time is nearly up, and I'll be returning to Texas soon – and I really wanted to meet you all, because the boys talk so much about you. I mean, I know I've met you..."
"I understand Mrs. Stokes."
"Jillian. And Catherine, I really wanted to say thank you – I know it was you who got the money for my boy, and I know it was you who did so much for Greg."
Catherine felt tears spring to her eyes. "Really, it was nothing..."
"Don't say that... I just talked to Greg's mother, and trust me, that poor child isn't used to having people take care of him."
"Listen, I don't know if you know where Nicky's house is, but that's where I am, and I would love it if you had some free time to come over and help me plan this little party."
"I know where it is - I can be there in about 30 minutes, if that's alright?"
"Great, I'll see you then."
Greg never wanted to let go of Nick – he had no idea that Nick had experienced a similar trauma. Nick tried to play it off as not being as bad, but that didn't matter to Greg.
"How did you get over it?"
"G, I don't know if I really ever have. I mean, physically I have."
"Do you think I can get over... it?"
"I do, you're strong, and you've always got me. I mean I had the benefit of getting bigger – and now it was almost thirty years ago. It hasn't even been thirty days for you."
"I don't know I could ever... let you be in me, like that," Greg said softly.
Nick stroked Greg's cheek. "I don't need to be, I just need to be near you. And when you're ready there are so many other things that we could do to."
"I want to be ready," he said as he positioned himself over Nick again – the tenor of his voice let Nick know that it was just Greg trying to put on a brave face. Greg was terrified.
"Greg, we've already played this game once today. I promise you though, we'll talk to Marcus about this at the next session, alright?"
"On a first name with the doc, then?" Greg was already beginning to calm as Nick tenderly caressed his back.
"I told you I went there today."
"Did you talk about sex then?" It was the first time he hadn't used a euphemism – it was the first time his body hadn't gone rigid from the thought.
"A little bit. And lots of other stuff too. But I really do want to show you something else. Something other than the journal – but it's in my coat over there and you're a bit heavy."
Greg leaped up, eager to see what was hidden in Nick's coat. He handed the coat to Nick like an excited child going to their first day of school.
"Now G, I don't want you to think I'm moving too fast, I just picked these up on a whim," he said as he handed Greg the realtor's informational sheets he had picked up earlier in the day. He felt Greg lean into him as he sat down on the couch, and together they looked at houses. Nick never noticed that the cell phone in his jacket was vibrating with a call from Warrick.
***Next story in series - It's Not Always About Me.
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