Title: Chemical Reaction
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Series: 1) Bewilderment, 2) Take Me Home, 3) Cynics, 4) Blood Spatters, 5) Hello Mr. Sanders, 6) Hitting The Wall, 7) Capable Of Murder, 8) The Good Boy, 9) Crying Shame, 10) As I Lay Me Down, 11) Stoic, 12) You Tell Me, 13) Mother, Mother, 14) A Simple Smile, 15) Good Enough, 16) Smack, 17) Let Me Be The One, 18) There Isn't A Manual, 19) Call Me Magic Mama, 20) The Bus Stops in Suburbia, 21) He Needs You, 22) You're Not Really OK, 23) It's Not Always About Me, 24) Wasted
Summary: Warrick and Nick's 'resolution'. Greg and Nick go see Dr. Sealy together.
***Nick came off of a long shift when his cell began to ring. He looked at the caller id – it was Warrick.
"Come to your senses, then?"
"That's one hell of a way to answer the phone, Nick."
"Whatever. I don't want to talk to you if you've still got your head in your ass."
"I'm jealous of Greg."
"When you said me and Greg weren't the best of buds – it hurt. Greg and I are friends. And the comment I made about you and him – you know, the reason that you weren't answering my calls... that was the most fucked up thing I've ever said."
"So what the hell is your deal?"
"When I said I wanted what you and Greg had – I think I meant that I wanted you."
Nick nearly dropped the phone. "What?"
"Not like that bro, it's just that you and me were always first – and Greg was like the kid brother we let tag along. So, now the kid brother is kinda rising up the ranks above me."
"Rick, you know better than any of that things change, people change. Hell, isn't it the same thing when you got married to Tina."
"No, Tina wasn't part of our group. And Tina's not a man."
"Warrick, stop tiptoeing around the issue. You hate that Greg and I are a couple."
"I'm not saying that! What I'm saying in terms of the dynamic of our relationship and male bonding and such, Tina was not a threat. I perceive Greg as a threat."
Nick paused and thought about how un-Warrick-like that sounded. "How long did you talk to the therapist today?"
Warrick laughed. "Enough. I just couldn't say it better than her, so I just memorized it."
"You coming to Greg's? I'm sure my mom is cooking too much food for him."
"He has gotten skinny – I mean, even since..."
"Yeah, I know – too much medicine, not enough sleep, too much stress. I don't know what he needs, and even if I did, sometimes I think he wouldn't let me give it to him anyway."
"Nick, I'm really, really sorry – I don't even remember half of what I said, but I know it must have been bad for you to walk out."
"It's forgiven, Rick. And let's not mention any of this to Greg, he just doesn't need it right now."
"Alright – I'll see you in about 40 minutes – you need anything?"
"Nah, I don't think so – Greg hasn't called me today to tell me to bring anything. He's just been sending me text messages with stupid jokes."
"Stop it, ass. Just come over!" Nick laughed into the phone.
"You know I expected the hostility from other members of the department, but not from my best friend," Nick told Dr. Sealy as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Today was their first joint session – but Greg was waiting in the reception area because Nick had wanted to talk to the doctor alone for a moment.
"You said that you didn't exactly think that it was hostility for your sexual preferences, but rather your choice in a partner."
"I know, but I can't help but feel resentful – resentful that if this hadn't happened to Greg, then there wouldn't be any of this hostility, because Greg wouldn't need so much of my time."
"But he would be taking your time still – it wouldn't be as emotionally charged, but he still would be the focus of your emotions. You'd be spending all of your time with Greg getting to know him in a new relationship – no longer solely bound by the definition of friendship."
"True – I just can't believe that Warrick would say those things."
"And it's hard to see it – everyone in your department is handling things in different ways. You, to some extent have been detached from this by staying home to help Greg. You've even detached yourself from your own feelings."
"It's my fault."
"No matter how many times you say that – it won't change what happened. I can't tell you not to blame yourself – there is no blame in my eyes – you are simply going to feel how you feel until something changes that."
"I can't get Robert Cohen out of my head – the look on his face when he was raping Greg. It was this – it's haunting. He was enjoying it – he was touching Greg – almost caressing, trying to get Greg to enjoy it as well." Nick's whole body was tense again.
"And you sometimes wish that he had been rougher with Greg?"
"I feel horribly about it – but yes. That maybe if he hadn't been so 'gentle' with Greg then I could show Greg what gentleness felt like and it could help him get over the rape."
"I think we should call Greg in now."
"I don't want to upset him."
"I'll stop the session the second I think things are getting out of hand. But talking to Greg – he wants to be a part of your healing – and I agree with him that it will also help his healing. It shows that he wants to be a part of you – which is exactly what we need him to feel – he needs to be part of the solution – the whole solution. I want you to think about that for a minute while I get Greg and bring him up to date on our discussion, alright?" Dr. Sealy gently rubbed Nick's shoulder before exiting the room.
A few minutes later Dr. Sealy came back with Greg in tow. Greg simply looked at Nick. "If you stop blaming yourself for the attack, then I'll stop pretending I'm ok all the time. Can we do that?" He looked hopefully at Nick. Nick nodded yes.
Greg took the spot on the couch next to Nick and grabbed his hand. Dr. Sealy sat across from them and began to speak. "This is where we begin to heal you as a couple – heal you together. These sessions are going to be very rough and emotionally draining, but I believe that you are both strong enough to deal with this. Are you ready?" They both nodded. "OK – the issues as I see them are: Nick feels like he is solely responsible for Greg's attack, that he should have done something to stop it, and that the only thing he can do for Greg is now be overprotective. Greg feels like Nick will leave him for his inability to physically express his love and that he will never be OK again. Have I gotten it right so far?"
Nick felt Greg's hand tighten around his own. "What is it, baby?"
"And my parents," Greg said slowly.
Dr. Sealy looked up – Greg hadn't mentioned his parents before. "What about them."
"When I was in the hospital our boss called them. They said I liked it." A tear trickled down his face. "But I didn't... But I didn't mean to – before he forced himself in my mouth – he rubbed me... and it got hard. I didn't want it to, but it did." He was sobbing now and Nick wrapped his arms around him.
Dr. Sealy leaned into them and kneeled on the floor. "Greg, calm down. It doesn't mean you liked it – the body reacts in different ways – it was just stimulation – you couldn't have controlled it. Your reaction was purely chemical and your attacker relied on the fact that your body would react, regardless of what your mind told you."
Dr. Sealy motioned for Nick to keep holding Greg, and to keep telling him it would be all right. He went to the reception area to get a glass of water for Greg and to leave the two men alone for a while. He knew there was little he could do to make it right at the moment – they would have to work it out themselves.
"Greg, c'mon baby, calm down. It wasn't your fault. No one thinks you liked it – you were forced."
"Why would they say it then?"
"I don't know. I really don't know." He continued to rock Greg gently and smooth his hair. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"
"Keep holding me. And never let go."
***Next story in series - Your Hand In Mine.
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